Presence

This past weekend Superman had two days off in a row for the first time since Christmas.

 

The boys hardly knew what to do with themselves because of all that wonderful Daddy time. All I know is that they hardly acknowledged my existence (except for meals and bedtime) because they were so busy soaking up the time with their daddy. And I couldn't blame them one little bit. His very presence was the most important thing in those two days.

 

It's hard to keep saying "soon" to them, because soon means 10 minutes from now if you're a four-year-old boy, and maybe 2 minutes if you're only two. It certainly doesn't mean "in May". But before we know it, May will be here and Daddy will be done with school and suddenly he'll be here every evening for dinner and his one precious day off every week will be spent entirely with our family instead of bits and pieces between frantic study sessions.

 

We walked together last night before bed. I love this time change because it is light so much later. It was a little cold, but the boys kept warm the best way little boys do- running and laughing. Superman and I walked together talking about plans for summer and somehow it came up that Ender will officially be a Kindergartener this fall.

 

When did that happen? We wondered this together. The last 4 1/2 years have been a happy blur. Wasn't it just a few months ago that we brought him home bundled and small?

 

And it won't be long until Ezra is ready too. If I've learned anything about children since having my own it's that they grow a year when you blink. That's the primary thought on my mind these days- that we only have so much time with them before they are on to the next stage and the next, then off to college and adulthood.

 

I wrote earlier this year about the importance of presence for me right now. I suppose it might seem like a simple thing- maybe it's just me and my particular personality, but my mind is constantly thinking about all the things that should/could be done and the temptation to constantly multi-task means that I can do a few different things at once, but none of them with my full attention and none of them done well. For some things it doesn't matter (folding laundry, anyone?) but for my children? Full presence is definitely required. Every day I'm reminded of this and make the constant decision to be fully present, to be an intentional mother, even more while we are in the days of very little time with Daddy.

 

We are counting down the days until May 8th (54!) when time will be able to stretch for us again and an integral member of our family is home for every dinner conversation and bed time cuddles. His presence for these little things is what we miss most of all.

 

Soon, boys. Soon.