"Mama, I'm glad you're here."
Sticky fingers wrapped around my neck, and he sniffled as he tucked up against me. He forces his fingers between mine to hold onto me.
Little colds seem to hunt this child down- never serious, but just enough to knock him back a little. His usual "go, go, go!" attitude slows just enough that I can actually catch him and hold him for bits of time here and there throught he day. He still smiles, because this boy always smiles. From the second he wakes up in the early hours to the second he goes to bed, his ear-to-ear grin accompanies him everywhere.
He smiles even while his nose runs, cuddles close and settles in.
My thoughts immediately jump to discontent: wishing I could just be home with my sweet boys all the time, wishing for better work for my husband to make that possible, then it disolves into the kind of detailed discontent I easily find myself stuck in: If I stayed home full time I could cook the way we'd like, homeschool exactly how we'd like, keep the home exactly how we'd like...
Bad habit revealed. I find myself recently with this ugly habit of discontent that I justified for too long as things that were "good" to desire. But the truth is that God has me in this place for a reason, and He doesn't call us to have a heart longing for places we are not in. Our heart is meant to be devoted to His service right here in this place. Finding joy, purpose and grattitude in this place is virtually impossible while longing to be elsewhere.
So re-training begins. Taking thoughts captive, re-focusing on praise and thanksgiving, pealing back the longing words in my mind to get to the heart of the matter: trusting God. Lord, I know what is in my heart. Continue to teach me to trust You in the place I'm in, not where I think I should be.
It's a long process, this thankfulness journey. Sometimes 10 steps back before a tiny toe forward is made, but oh! That toe forward leads to contentment and peace, right here in this place.
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Ann Voskamp invites us to write about giving thanks. You can visit her at A Holy Experience.